lovehate
by wandira
Summary: songfic- Hermione loves Harry but does he even like her anymore?


Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter etc or the song. Its by 3days Grace if you didn't already know that.

Hermione couldn't believe that seeing two of her friends together could be this painful. She liked them and saw that they were perfect for each other but it wouldn't make it any easier.

_**Every time we lie awake after every hit we take**_

She hadn't slept in weeks. Seeing Harry with Padma was like a knife in her heart and no matter what she tried she could not get the image out of her head. When she did sleep all she dreamt about was them and she knew she would wake worse than ever.**_  
_**

_**Every feeling that I get but I haven't missed you yet  
**_

It was such an unbearable feeling that she couldn't escape, but she could never honestly say she didn't wish she was in Padma's shoes.

Every room they kept awake by every science scream we make

The girls in her dorm thought she had some kind of mental illness because she cried n screamed in her sleep. She had been to counsellors but they all came to the conclusion that she was mentally stable. None of them could work out why she was so upset and she swore she would never let Harry know, she wanted him to be happy.

_**All the feelings that I get but I still don't miss you yet**_

She knew he would never leave her thought no matter how hard she tried. She wasn't even sure she wanted him to. She loved him but it hurt so much she wished she didn't miss him every minute they were apart. She wanted it not to hurt when she saw him with Padma but she knew it wouldn't happen without the cold feeling of numbness that she hated.

_**  
Only when I start to think about it...**_

**_  
_**She thought about him every minute of every day****There would never be a moment in her life that she didn't think of him. She woke up with his voice in her head and that same voice put her to sleep in a haunted lullaby.

**_I hate everything about you, why do I love you?  
I hate everything about you, why...do I love you?_**

She would never understand why she got the extreme luck of needing someone who would never be hers. She tried time and time again to tell herself that she didn't think of him as more than a friend but it wouldn't work. He circled around in her head and made her dizzy and love sick in the worst way possible.

_**Every time we lie awake after every hit we take  
**_

Hermione gave up trying to sleep and began spending nights working our how to deal with the next day and appearing to be happy for her friends. She was but that didn't stop her secretly wishing something would happen that would either make him love her or help her get over him.

Every feeling that I get but I haven't missed you yet.

She wished, hoped and prayed with her whole being that she didn't crave him. One day she knew she wouldn't care so much but right now she couldn't see past the emotional wall she had barricaded herself with.

Only when I start to think about it

She thought and thought. She knew he would work it out sometime. Should she stop the charade and just tell him. Maybe she'd just drop hints and see if he cared enough to pick them up.

Only when I start to think about you I know  
only when you...start to think...about me Do you know?

Hermione dropped endless hints but as she did it she began to realise that she was barely acting any differently. Maybe, she thought, just maybe he already knows and at least I don't have to pretend I don't care. She had to find out for sure if he knew and if he cared.

I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?  
You hate everything about me. Why do you love me?

He told her. He knew. She panicked what was he going to be like now. Would he hate her? Would he avoid her? What about Padma how would she react? Even though she knew he would be nice about it she was petrified of what of what he would think. Nothing would happen between them she never dreamed that would happen but she hope that at least they would still have a friendship.

I hate you hate. I hate you love me.

Did he hate her? She had to find out what he thought but what could she say to him that wouldn't sound clichéd and stupid. She knew she couldn't stay calm and rational talking to his face. After about five attempts she gave up and sent him what she had managed to come up with.

I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?

She thought it over so many time and just when she had decide what she had said was so stupid she would say something else to try and make up for it she got a reply. He didn't hate her. Their friendship had survived. Maybe it had all been in her head. She was so relieved to have his friendship that for a minute she was truly happy with that. She knew that he would probably never see her as more than a friend but for now she was happy that she didn't have to pretend and he still liked her even if it wasn't the same as the way she felt about.

A/n :For those that know me I promise this isn't aimed at anyone. The idea is from the words of the song and the mood I was in when I got the idea for it.


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